A scary news story broke this weekend. My heart goes out to these couples.
List of Possible Adoption Scam Victims is Growing
GARDEN CITY, N.Y. (AP) -- A New York prosecutor says more couples are concerned they may have been victims of an adoption scam. A Nassau County District Attorney's office spokesman said Monday that last week's arrest of Roslyn lawyer Kevin Cohen on grand larceny and other charges has led other couples to contact investigators. Cohen is accused of taking $65,000 and failing to deliver on a promised adoption. Prosecutors say it may have been part of what they call an ``adoption Ponzi scheme,'' defrauding clients out of fees for babies who didn't exist. Since Cohen's arrest, eight more couples have contacted the district attorney's office. Some are New Yorkers, but others live in Georgia, Texas and Ohio. Cohen has pleaded not guilty. His lawyer, Matin Emouna, said it was ``premature to comment.''
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
July 31, 2009
So we finally have a log in date: July 31, 2009. Almost a year to the day that we attended our first adoption workshop way back on August 2, 2008. It still feels surreal. I haven't written anything here in a while because life is just,well, a crazy kind of busy. Every once in a while I am reminded- like yesterday. My aunt and I went to the mall and of course we saw lots of babies. Some in carriages, some hanging out on their dad's shoulders and others doing their best to walk on their own with their families hovering nervously. I just try to savor each moment and hope to remember the details when it's my turn.
Chinese Word of the Day
富强
fùqiáng
adj. Rich and powerful
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Priorities and Perspective
The past few years for me have been quite introspective. Some lessons can only come in time with experience; both joyous and heartbreaking. One of the biggest and positive impacts on my life of course was meeting and marrying a wonderful guy. The heartbreaking have been losing several people I love dearly and dealing with infertility. One of the most hopeful events has become this adoption journey. I think over the course of these years I have grown as a human being and become not only more knowledgeable but more focused on what is truly important in life: love and family. Having a great job and making a big salary is awesome but these things are just temporary and as we all know money does not buy happiness.
The company I work for is going through massive layoffs. It's hard to deal with living your life not knowing if you will have a job next quarter, especially when planning on having a family. I have some how surrendered myself to the fact I can not control the decisions of the superiors I work for. It is what it is. I go to work every day- give 100% and go home. Thankfully, my direct supervisor appreciates me as a worker and is very honest about how our business is changing etc etc.
I guess what I am trying to say in this long winded post is that I am saddened by the people I work with, some of which I call good friends. They work so hard in making others look bad. I guess it's insecurity or fear of the unknown- whatever. I go about my merry way taking care of business and trying to avoid the various land mines set out before me. This makes me think: how do I raise a child so they do not become insecure? Not just at work, but in life. I read all this stuff about adopted kids having issues about being different from their parents and adopted families. Is this nurture or nature? Does some one's genes really predict how a person is? I guess I just want to be one of those parents who has the courage to steer my chickadee in the right direction with all the proper tools and preparation so when it's time for her to take off she knows the way.
I know, we don't even have a log in date and I am already worrying. LOL.
练习
liànxí
"/ exercise / drill / to practice (language, sports)/"
The company I work for is going through massive layoffs. It's hard to deal with living your life not knowing if you will have a job next quarter, especially when planning on having a family. I have some how surrendered myself to the fact I can not control the decisions of the superiors I work for. It is what it is. I go to work every day- give 100% and go home. Thankfully, my direct supervisor appreciates me as a worker and is very honest about how our business is changing etc etc.
I guess what I am trying to say in this long winded post is that I am saddened by the people I work with, some of which I call good friends. They work so hard in making others look bad. I guess it's insecurity or fear of the unknown- whatever. I go about my merry way taking care of business and trying to avoid the various land mines set out before me. This makes me think: how do I raise a child so they do not become insecure? Not just at work, but in life. I read all this stuff about adopted kids having issues about being different from their parents and adopted families. Is this nurture or nature? Does some one's genes really predict how a person is? I guess I just want to be one of those parents who has the courage to steer my chickadee in the right direction with all the proper tools and preparation so when it's time for her to take off she knows the way.
I know, we don't even have a log in date and I am already worrying. LOL.
Chinese Word of the Day
练习
liànxí
"/ exercise / drill / to practice (language, sports)/"
Monday, July 27, 2009
Delivery Confirmed !
The hubby and I received this email today:
Welcome to the Referral phase of the adoption process! Your dossier was hand delivered to the China Center of Adoption Affairs on July 27, 2009. This email contains helpful information regarding what to expect during this phase.
Now that your dossier has been received by the CCAA, it will soon be registered and you will be given a Log-in-Date (LID). Your LID is the date your dossier was registered with the CCAA.
Please note that dossiers are typically registered with the CCAA within 30 days after they are received in China, however, we won’t receive your log in date from the CCAA immediately. It may take up to eight weeks for the CCAA to send us confirmation of your registration date. We will notify you via email the day we receive confirmation of your LID from the CCAA. From that point on, you can chart the movement of your dossier by following your LID month in our Places Everyone email. The Places Everyone email will be sent to you on the 15th of every month.
This can be the most challenging period that you will experience, because after all that you have accomplished, you must now simply wait for your referral. But remember, this experience is what you decide to make of it, so think positive! To help occupy your time, we encourage families to learn about the Chinese culture, language and history. Many families decide to start a journal to document their adoption journey. You can also take this time to plan for your child’s future, and to consider the many decisions that parenthood will present.
I still can't believe it! We are on our way to becoming parents : )
怒火
nùhuǒ
/ (n) rage; fury /
Welcome to the Referral phase of the adoption process! Your dossier was hand delivered to the China Center of Adoption Affairs on July 27, 2009. This email contains helpful information regarding what to expect during this phase.
Now that your dossier has been received by the CCAA, it will soon be registered and you will be given a Log-in-Date (LID). Your LID is the date your dossier was registered with the CCAA.
Please note that dossiers are typically registered with the CCAA within 30 days after they are received in China, however, we won’t receive your log in date from the CCAA immediately. It may take up to eight weeks for the CCAA to send us confirmation of your registration date. We will notify you via email the day we receive confirmation of your LID from the CCAA. From that point on, you can chart the movement of your dossier by following your LID month in our Places Everyone email. The Places Everyone email will be sent to you on the 15th of every month.
This can be the most challenging period that you will experience, because after all that you have accomplished, you must now simply wait for your referral. But remember, this experience is what you decide to make of it, so think positive! To help occupy your time, we encourage families to learn about the Chinese culture, language and history. Many families decide to start a journal to document their adoption journey. You can also take this time to plan for your child’s future, and to consider the many decisions that parenthood will present.
I still can't believe it! We are on our way to becoming parents : )
Chinese Word of the Day
怒火
nùhuǒ
/ (n) rage; fury /
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Finally ...the dossier is on its way to China!
Our dossier was shipped to China yesterday. It's hard to believe we are officially done with all the paperwork. Our agency said we can expect about a 6 week wait to receive our log in date. Although we are years away from getting a daughter I can feel the nesting instinct starting already. I have started to organize and throw away stuff I have been hoarding for years. How I became such a collector of stuff baffles me. I know I am a memory keeper for sure, saving things given to me by the people I have loved and who have loved me back. But do I really need every greeting card ever given to me? Once you hit forty that's a lot of paper.
I spent the last week at a young writers retreat. I received graduate credit for working with high school kids on creative writing. It was so amazing and totally restored my faith in humanity and the power of youth. These kids were so honest and so talented. Each one with their own personality, writing style and voice. To say I was inspired was an understatement. This experience was magical. My dream to teach was completely renewed. Any fears I may have had were put to rest. Teaching rules and I can't wait to have my own classroom.
I spent the last week at a young writers retreat. I received graduate credit for working with high school kids on creative writing. It was so amazing and totally restored my faith in humanity and the power of youth. These kids were so honest and so talented. Each one with their own personality, writing style and voice. To say I was inspired was an understatement. This experience was magical. My dream to teach was completely renewed. Any fears I may have had were put to rest. Teaching rules and I can't wait to have my own classroom.
Chinese Word of the Day
掌声
zhǎngshēng
/ applause /
Thursday, July 9, 2009
State Department THEN Beijing ...
A small faux pas on my part. Our dossier was just couriered to the state department. I mentioned on my July 6th post that Homeland Security/Immigration was the last step before the final trip to Beijing. I guess I am so excited about being done with the paperwork I forgot this step. Thank goodness my husband is on the ball. The state department takes a few weeks and then we will be set for "Chinese Delivery."
Yesterday I received a phone message at home from my mother-in-law. She was babysitting our niece Alexis and apparently Alexis wanted to talk to us. As soon as I walked in the front door I called the "Florida Contingency" i.e. our family down south. After dealing with annoying adults all day it's kind of refreshing to speak to a four year old. Alexis and her parents and brothers are going to Orlando later this week to meet with the friends they met on their adoption adventure in China. When I asked my niece if she was going to see Mickey Mouse she said "No! I am visit with my friends from China." There is nothing like a child's perspective on the important things in life. She then went on to explain how she has her own apron at her Grandma's house and she is putting it on to help with dinner. I can't wait to have our little one here so she can visit my inlaws and help Grandma too. (smile)
可以
kěyǐ
/ can / may / possible / able to /
Yesterday I received a phone message at home from my mother-in-law. She was babysitting our niece Alexis and apparently Alexis wanted to talk to us. As soon as I walked in the front door I called the "Florida Contingency" i.e. our family down south. After dealing with annoying adults all day it's kind of refreshing to speak to a four year old. Alexis and her parents and brothers are going to Orlando later this week to meet with the friends they met on their adoption adventure in China. When I asked my niece if she was going to see Mickey Mouse she said "No! I am visit with my friends from China." There is nothing like a child's perspective on the important things in life. She then went on to explain how she has her own apron at her Grandma's house and she is putting it on to help with dinner. I can't wait to have our little one here so she can visit my inlaws and help Grandma too. (smile)
Chinese Word of the Day
可以
kěyǐ
/ can / may / possible / able to /
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Out of the mouths of babes....
Just a random thought/observation for the day:
I am not one to chase the celebrity drama that seems to unfold on a daily basis. Sure, I read Perez Hilton once in a while and even check in at people.com occasionally. Today I watched a bit of the Michael Jackson tribute online. At the end of the ceremony the Jackson family, including Michael's children, got up to say a few words. The most poignant part of this whole circus was when Michael's 11 year old daughter Paris some how had the courage to step up to the microphone to say a few words to the throngs of people at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.
"Ever since I was born, Daddy was the best father you could ever imagine. I just wanted to say I love him so much."
Regardless of what anyone thinks they know about this man's personal life, his struggles, his poor judgement...whatever....he meant the world to his children. I can only hope and pray that they are cared for, loved and protected in what will most likely be a horrible tug of war for their father's empire.
I am not one to chase the celebrity drama that seems to unfold on a daily basis. Sure, I read Perez Hilton once in a while and even check in at people.com occasionally. Today I watched a bit of the Michael Jackson tribute online. At the end of the ceremony the Jackson family, including Michael's children, got up to say a few words. The most poignant part of this whole circus was when Michael's 11 year old daughter Paris some how had the courage to step up to the microphone to say a few words to the throngs of people at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.
"Ever since I was born, Daddy was the best father you could ever imagine. I just wanted to say I love him so much."
Regardless of what anyone thinks they know about this man's personal life, his struggles, his poor judgement...whatever....he meant the world to his children. I can only hope and pray that they are cared for, loved and protected in what will most likely be a horrible tug of war for their father's empire.
Chinese Word of the Day
伴侣
bànlǚ
/ companion / mate / partner/
Monday, July 6, 2009
Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part...
The final approval from homeland security/immigration finally came last week. The letters deem my husband and I eligible to be international adoptive parents to one female child from China. This letter (one for each of us) grants us permission to bring a child to the United States and make her a citizen. My husband was home when the letters arrived. He called me in the office to tell me about this last step in the approval process. My eyes filled with tears of joy and my attempts to remain composed were futile. Thank goodness most folks were on vacation so I could calmly make my way to the ladies room to fix my make up without any fanfare or prying questions. It’s hard keeping quiet about one of the most important events in my life when I am at work. Unfortunately, with all the layoffs going on I do not need anyone knowing my personal business. I have seen many moms lose their jobs for taking “approved” maternity leave and asking for flexible work arrangements.
As I write this, our application is being reviewed at the Chinese consulate. Once that is complete our whole dossier will be mailed to the Center for Chinese Adoption Affairs (CCAA) in Beijing. They will review it, hopefully will find no errors and give us a log in date (LID). Our lives will be tied to this date as we wait. Last year the wait time for a referral was about 39 months because of the Olympics in Beijing. Chinese adoptions almost came to a standstill. Now that things are picking up again the wait time has been reduced to 31 months. Out social worker was confident that we’d be looking at around 24 months by the time they caught up. Technically there is a good chance that our daughter has not even been conceived yet. As abandoned children make their way through the system, the CCAA reviews each case and matches the children to prospective parents. The Chinese take great pride in this matching system and it seems to be a well kept secret on how they actually do it. They look at pictures of waiting parents and their profiles and somehow fit a child who matches not just their personalities but health backgrounds as well. It is completely fascinating. In my head I am hearing the old Calgon commercial: “ancient Chinese secret.”
While we are patiently waiting my husband and I are both finishing college degrees: his in economics and mine in education. I started cleaning out over stuffed storage closets as we beginning planning to move our home office downstairs. It’s amazing how much junk a couple can accumulate after 9 years of marriage. We both have pack rat tendencies, holding on to things that need to be thrown away or donated. What we should do is have a yard sale and put the money away for our trip to China. I am trying to remain positive about the waiting thinking we have plenty of time to prepare for our child. Most couples only get nine months!
It’s funny how the thought of becoming a parent has affected me. Now that the paperwork has been completed I have switched into an awareness mode. I pay even more attention to world news, the environment and educational issues. I find myself constantly thinking “How can I be a better person for my child?” It makes me think about the movie As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt. At one point in the movie, Carol (Helen Hunt) asks the self absorbed Melvin (Jack Nicholson) to give her a complement. Jack looks at her and says “You make me want to be a better person.” I can totally relate.
旋转
xuánzhuǎn
/ whirl /
As I write this, our application is being reviewed at the Chinese consulate. Once that is complete our whole dossier will be mailed to the Center for Chinese Adoption Affairs (CCAA) in Beijing. They will review it, hopefully will find no errors and give us a log in date (LID). Our lives will be tied to this date as we wait. Last year the wait time for a referral was about 39 months because of the Olympics in Beijing. Chinese adoptions almost came to a standstill. Now that things are picking up again the wait time has been reduced to 31 months. Out social worker was confident that we’d be looking at around 24 months by the time they caught up. Technically there is a good chance that our daughter has not even been conceived yet. As abandoned children make their way through the system, the CCAA reviews each case and matches the children to prospective parents. The Chinese take great pride in this matching system and it seems to be a well kept secret on how they actually do it. They look at pictures of waiting parents and their profiles and somehow fit a child who matches not just their personalities but health backgrounds as well. It is completely fascinating. In my head I am hearing the old Calgon commercial: “ancient Chinese secret.”
While we are patiently waiting my husband and I are both finishing college degrees: his in economics and mine in education. I started cleaning out over stuffed storage closets as we beginning planning to move our home office downstairs. It’s amazing how much junk a couple can accumulate after 9 years of marriage. We both have pack rat tendencies, holding on to things that need to be thrown away or donated. What we should do is have a yard sale and put the money away for our trip to China. I am trying to remain positive about the waiting thinking we have plenty of time to prepare for our child. Most couples only get nine months!
It’s funny how the thought of becoming a parent has affected me. Now that the paperwork has been completed I have switched into an awareness mode. I pay even more attention to world news, the environment and educational issues. I find myself constantly thinking “How can I be a better person for my child?” It makes me think about the movie As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt. At one point in the movie, Carol (Helen Hunt) asks the self absorbed Melvin (Jack Nicholson) to give her a complement. Jack looks at her and says “You make me want to be a better person.” I can totally relate.
The Chinese word of the day
旋转
xuánzhuǎn
/ whirl /
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I am the worst blogger EVER!
So, I am thinking I am the worst blogger in the world or maybe because there is no ground shaking adoption news there's not much to write about?
A small victory last Friday: Our 'official' home study was sent back to us with a stamp of approval. On Saturday morning I ran to the post office to send it express mail to homeland security in Chicago. After standing on a very LONG line I find out our debit card only allows for a $500 daily transaction (I needed a money order for $830). I am mad at myself for not realizing this before I even stepped foot in the post office knowing I could not use a credit card for the money order purchase. I take a deep breath and head over to Starbucks because well, it's Saturday morning and I can't think straight without coffee. I get my usual and get back in the car and BAM! I'll just go to the ATM and take out $500 in cash out of our joint account, $330 from my individual account and pay for the money order in cash. Duh. I cut myself some slack because I have had a rough past 2 weeks.
On Monday May 4 @4:45pm a social worker called my home and spoke to my husband. She told him she was looking for the next of kin for my father whom I have not seen since my mom passed away (almost 10 years). The woman would not give my hubby any info except her telephone number. My husband immediately calls me at work and gives me the info and I of course call her right back. She left for the day and I had to wait until Tuesday for her to call me back. I get to my office early on Tuesday morning (7:45am) to find she left me a message at 7:40am. I call her back and hear the news no child wants to hear. My father had a massive heart attack, he was on a respirator and it was just a matter of time. This poor woman wanted to know if I would like to see my father before he passes and if I would like to have any say in his final days of care. I said yes.
I called my sister and asked if she wanted to go with me. She said yes so I drove to her office, picked her up and we headed out to the veteran's hospital. There in the ICU was my dad, hooked up to all the bells and whistles I was all too familiar with. His nurse insisted he was unresponsive but I touched his arm and said "Daddy it's me..." he turned his head and opened his eyes to look right at me. His doctor informed us they worked on him for 45 minutes when his heart stopped so he was most certain there was permanent brain damage. His lungs were all but destroyed by years of smoking. His kidneys were failing. My sister sat motionless staring out the window. I excused myself to step into the waiting room to cry. After I got myself together, I knew I would be making the same decision as I did with my mom. Do not resuscitate. I walked back into the ICU spoke briefly with my sister and then to my dad's doctor.
I looked at my dad feeling a tidal wave of emotion. He was a bad parent, a lousy husband to my mom and just not nice in general. He preferred his liquor over everyone: family, friends you name it. When given the chance to live with me and my husband after my mom died he refused. He sold their house and disappeared. He broke my heart years ago but I still loved him. His heart stopped on May 6. I hope he finds the peace he never had here on earth.
This is why I was so adamant about getting the paperwork mailed on Saturday. Somewhere in China a little girl will be born and her parents will abandon her. I know what that feels like and I don't want her to suffer the way I did. My husband will be the best father in the world and she will never know the pain I have felt. Yes she will have pain from not knowing who her birth parents are. But she will never know and love a father who drifts in and out of her life like the wind. A father who lived a mere 30 miles from his own children and did not want anything to do with them. Our child will be loved and wanted as all children should be.
On Saturday, that money order and paperwork was express mailed because it had to be.
A small victory last Friday: Our 'official' home study was sent back to us with a stamp of approval. On Saturday morning I ran to the post office to send it express mail to homeland security in Chicago. After standing on a very LONG line I find out our debit card only allows for a $500 daily transaction (I needed a money order for $830). I am mad at myself for not realizing this before I even stepped foot in the post office knowing I could not use a credit card for the money order purchase. I take a deep breath and head over to Starbucks because well, it's Saturday morning and I can't think straight without coffee. I get my usual and get back in the car and BAM! I'll just go to the ATM and take out $500 in cash out of our joint account, $330 from my individual account and pay for the money order in cash. Duh. I cut myself some slack because I have had a rough past 2 weeks.
On Monday May 4 @4:45pm a social worker called my home and spoke to my husband. She told him she was looking for the next of kin for my father whom I have not seen since my mom passed away (almost 10 years). The woman would not give my hubby any info except her telephone number. My husband immediately calls me at work and gives me the info and I of course call her right back. She left for the day and I had to wait until Tuesday for her to call me back. I get to my office early on Tuesday morning (7:45am) to find she left me a message at 7:40am. I call her back and hear the news no child wants to hear. My father had a massive heart attack, he was on a respirator and it was just a matter of time. This poor woman wanted to know if I would like to see my father before he passes and if I would like to have any say in his final days of care. I said yes.
I called my sister and asked if she wanted to go with me. She said yes so I drove to her office, picked her up and we headed out to the veteran's hospital. There in the ICU was my dad, hooked up to all the bells and whistles I was all too familiar with. His nurse insisted he was unresponsive but I touched his arm and said "Daddy it's me..." he turned his head and opened his eyes to look right at me. His doctor informed us they worked on him for 45 minutes when his heart stopped so he was most certain there was permanent brain damage. His lungs were all but destroyed by years of smoking. His kidneys were failing. My sister sat motionless staring out the window. I excused myself to step into the waiting room to cry. After I got myself together, I knew I would be making the same decision as I did with my mom. Do not resuscitate. I walked back into the ICU spoke briefly with my sister and then to my dad's doctor.
I looked at my dad feeling a tidal wave of emotion. He was a bad parent, a lousy husband to my mom and just not nice in general. He preferred his liquor over everyone: family, friends you name it. When given the chance to live with me and my husband after my mom died he refused. He sold their house and disappeared. He broke my heart years ago but I still loved him. His heart stopped on May 6. I hope he finds the peace he never had here on earth.
This is why I was so adamant about getting the paperwork mailed on Saturday. Somewhere in China a little girl will be born and her parents will abandon her. I know what that feels like and I don't want her to suffer the way I did. My husband will be the best father in the world and she will never know the pain I have felt. Yes she will have pain from not knowing who her birth parents are. But she will never know and love a father who drifts in and out of her life like the wind. A father who lived a mere 30 miles from his own children and did not want anything to do with them. Our child will be loved and wanted as all children should be.
On Saturday, that money order and paperwork was express mailed because it had to be.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Home Study Officially Complete
Yesterday I had the final meeting with our social worker. We made some minor changes in the home study write up she had sent us via email. Once she makes the corrections she will notarize it and send it off to our agency. It will take them approximately 3 weeks to review it. Another milestone achieved. Once the agency gives us the OK we have to get fingerprinted again by homeland security and get them to sign off. When that is complete it gets sent to our agency and then if I am not mistaken- it goes to Beijing. Very cool. The social worker was also pretty positive that the timeline should pick up a bit. As the song goes "The waiting is the hardest part."
My husband and I had dinner with close friends of ours last night. One of them actually lived in China for 2 years back around 1994 and taught English. He gave us lots of information on how to learn Chinese. He does not speak fluently anymore but he remembers the basics. He suggested watching Chinese films with subtitles also. I woke up around 7 this morning and turned on the TV to find Jet Li's movie "Fearless" on. It's - you guessed it- in Chinese with English subtitles! Hmmm, coincidence maybe ? Not sure but it made me smile. He also said that the Chinese are horrified when they meet Chinese children who can not speak or understand the Chinese language. So many come back to China to visit after being adopted by Americans. People in China call them Banana people- yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Not a complement I am sure. It did make me think- how is our child going to struggle with her adoption and identity as a Chinese-American? It's something that has been heavy on my mind really since we saw the movie "Adopted." I just want to do the right thing for my daughter- I don't want her to be hurt in any way because of her ethnicity. I know, it's something I can't control but it hurts me already. I can't even imagine how she will feel when faced with racial issues.
Today I treated myself to a manicure/pedicure/massage. The owners of the place I went to are Chinese- at one point I sneezed several times in a row. One of the owners said to me "In China. when you sneeze like that we say that somebody is missing you." I thought that was kind of nice. There must be a lot of sayings and old wives tales in the Chinese culture. I wonder if I could find a book or something to research those? I also wondered about all the Chinese women working in the shop. Some are quite young and some are middle aged. What was their story? How did they wind up in New York? Did they miss China? Who back home was missing them? I had so many questions but did not dare ask for fear of being rude.
The Chinese word for the day :
座右铭
zuòyòumíng
/ motto /
My husband and I had dinner with close friends of ours last night. One of them actually lived in China for 2 years back around 1994 and taught English. He gave us lots of information on how to learn Chinese. He does not speak fluently anymore but he remembers the basics. He suggested watching Chinese films with subtitles also. I woke up around 7 this morning and turned on the TV to find Jet Li's movie "Fearless" on. It's - you guessed it- in Chinese with English subtitles! Hmmm, coincidence maybe ? Not sure but it made me smile. He also said that the Chinese are horrified when they meet Chinese children who can not speak or understand the Chinese language. So many come back to China to visit after being adopted by Americans. People in China call them Banana people- yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Not a complement I am sure. It did make me think- how is our child going to struggle with her adoption and identity as a Chinese-American? It's something that has been heavy on my mind really since we saw the movie "Adopted." I just want to do the right thing for my daughter- I don't want her to be hurt in any way because of her ethnicity. I know, it's something I can't control but it hurts me already. I can't even imagine how she will feel when faced with racial issues.
Today I treated myself to a manicure/pedicure/massage. The owners of the place I went to are Chinese- at one point I sneezed several times in a row. One of the owners said to me "In China. when you sneeze like that we say that somebody is missing you." I thought that was kind of nice. There must be a lot of sayings and old wives tales in the Chinese culture. I wonder if I could find a book or something to research those? I also wondered about all the Chinese women working in the shop. Some are quite young and some are middle aged. What was their story? How did they wind up in New York? Did they miss China? Who back home was missing them? I had so many questions but did not dare ask for fear of being rude.
The Chinese word for the day :
座右铭
zuòyòumíng
/ motto /
I thought I would be clever and google the motto of the day and this is what I found:
"We're all dealt a different hand in life. All you can do is play the cards you're dealt."- B. Knoblach
All I could think after seeing that was ....I am playing. I've got a new hand and things are looking good right now. All I am hoping for is a full house. (hee-hee)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The last social worker visit has been scheduled !
I spoke to our social worker today. She has finished our paperwork and will be emailing us a copy by Monday. Our last visit with her (pre-adoption) is scheduled for next Friday. Our job will be to review the paperwork with a red pen and check off any errors before her visit. Once that is complete she sends the paperwork to our agency for review. I want to jump up and down for joy but it might be a wee bit premature for that. The agency goes through the paperwork with a fine tooth comb before it gets sent to China. Of course once in China the paperwork goes through several more scrutiny checks before being deemed acceptable.
I guess I am kind of in shock. Every step we make brings us closer to our child. The timing is quite appropriate. It's spring and we are on the eve of celebrating Passover and just a few days away from Easter. It's a time for remembering our hardships and celebrating our victories. Getting through our paperwork isn't as important as the slaves being freed from Egypt or the resurrection of Christ, but it feels pretty good.
I guess I am kind of in shock. Every step we make brings us closer to our child. The timing is quite appropriate. It's spring and we are on the eve of celebrating Passover and just a few days away from Easter. It's a time for remembering our hardships and celebrating our victories. Getting through our paperwork isn't as important as the slaves being freed from Egypt or the resurrection of Christ, but it feels pretty good.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Adopted: The Movie
I haven't had much to write about lately. Our paperwork is still being reviewed in Albany. Once our social worker gets it back we will schedule our last meeting and the dossier will be sent to the adoption agency and homeland security for approval. Once approved it will be sent to China.
Today my hubby and I went to a special screening of "Adopted:The Movie" a film by Barb Lee. It was amazingly powerful and thought provoking. Defintely not for the faint of heart, it explores the reality of adopting children of different races. Children searching for identities and personal heritage in addition to relating to their adopted families. They should make viewing this film madatory for anyone who is adopting a child.
http://www.adoptedthemovie.com/adopted-trailer/
Make sure you have tissues handy. A big part of the movie centers on a young Korean-American woman adopted when she was an infant 32 years ago. Her parents and brother are white. She was raised in the pacific northwest. All her parents had to do were file for adoption and pick her up at the airport. They did not research her culture or background. They just wanted a daughter. Her story details the internal and external struggles many adoptees and their families deal with. There is something always missing and it's not dealt with. It's truly a heartbreaking story but a story that must be told.
Today my hubby and I went to a special screening of "Adopted:The Movie" a film by Barb Lee. It was amazingly powerful and thought provoking. Defintely not for the faint of heart, it explores the reality of adopting children of different races. Children searching for identities and personal heritage in addition to relating to their adopted families. They should make viewing this film madatory for anyone who is adopting a child.
http://www.adoptedthemovie.com/adopted-trailer/
Make sure you have tissues handy. A big part of the movie centers on a young Korean-American woman adopted when she was an infant 32 years ago. Her parents and brother are white. She was raised in the pacific northwest. All her parents had to do were file for adoption and pick her up at the airport. They did not research her culture or background. They just wanted a daughter. Her story details the internal and external struggles many adoptees and their families deal with. There is something always missing and it's not dealt with. It's truly a heartbreaking story but a story that must be told.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Chinese Word of the Day
解决
jiějué
/ to settle (a dispute) / resolve / to resolve / to solve
I resolve to post more regularly to my blog ;)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Career Change
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be an English teacher. Over the years I achieved my B.A. in English and an MBA. With the recent turn in the economy and the serious possibility of becoming a parent, I figured it was now or never. I started my first class in education last week. It's entitled "Youth Literacy" and in the class we explore books about adolescence and books adolescences read. I can not express how much I love this class. My interest in this class is so intense the 2 hours I spend there feels like it flies by. I wish I could stay longer but the professor and other students leave and I would be alone in the dark. OK maybe I'd leave the light on. Seriously, I feel in my heart that this is my calling. To realize I will achieve this after so many years brings me great joy and a sense of triumph. I will never be rich but I will make a difference. How cool is that ?
I went to look up the Chinese word of the day and found this :
办学
bànxué
/ to run a school /
I went to look up the Chinese word of the day and found this :
办学
bànxué
/ to run a school /
Coincidence ? I think not.....Life is good
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The Waiting Game
I can't believe it's been so long since I have written. There's nothing too new to report. We are still waiting for confirmation and clearance from Albany on our background checks. It's only been about 4 weeks or so and the wait time is about 6 to 8 weeks so I guess I am being impatient. We will have one more meeting with our social worker. I am disappointed in one of my oldest and dearest friends. I asked her to write a letter on our behalf to give to our social worker in the huge information packet. Yes, it's one of those letters I wrote about earlier. Please put into writing that we are good people and worthy to be parents. I asked her because we have known each other for 12 years, she was a bridesmaid at my wedding, she works in the childcare field, she is well educated and not only do I value her opinion- I love her. We have been through a lot together. She is an amazing person. I spoke to her before Christmas- she had lots of questions for us. Almost like an interview of sorts. She said she had experience in writing such letters- she gave another friend a referral letter for a Chinese adoption.
I have sent her several emails and and left her a few voicemails- we usually play tag a bit before we actually speak most times. She knows how important this is to my husband and I. We just don't understand why she hasn't sent the letter. I gave her a deadline and explained our schedule with the social worker. Did she change her mind and not deem us worthy ? I am kind of hurt to be honest. I am trying to deal with this tactfully but I am a bit pissed. Guess this is just another speed bump on our road to China. Afterall, this is the Year of the Ox which means a year ahead of hard work, fortitude and patience.
I have sent her several emails and and left her a few voicemails- we usually play tag a bit before we actually speak most times. She knows how important this is to my husband and I. We just don't understand why she hasn't sent the letter. I gave her a deadline and explained our schedule with the social worker. Did she change her mind and not deem us worthy ? I am kind of hurt to be honest. I am trying to deal with this tactfully but I am a bit pissed. Guess this is just another speed bump on our road to China. Afterall, this is the Year of the Ox which means a year ahead of hard work, fortitude and patience.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The Paper Trail Continues.....
We finally received the fingerprint cards from the local adoption agency a few days before Christmas Eve. We dutifully went off to get them completed at police headquarters. The officer handling our fingerprints remarked “Oh it seems you have done this before” as she pressed my fingers one by one into ink and onto the card. I laughed and told her no this was my first fingerprinting session but I do watch Law and Order. She was not amused. My husband sighed and rolled his eyes. Now don’t ask me why, but we only brought two of the fingerprint cards with us to be completed. The agency sent us four.We figured they sent us extras. We received four cards and no instructions. Nice. When we came home, my husband went trolling around the internet and found the requirements for the cards. You guessed it. We needed two each. The Chinese proverb “Raise your sail one foot and you get ten feet of wind” comes to mind. I should have raised my sail and asked for clarification on the cards. A few days later, we had to find the time to get away from work, go back, and get the others completed. Another lesson learned. Tonight we finally finished the application, which included the following:
1. Two personal statements from each of us explaining why we want to be parents
2. A copy of our last income tax statement
3. Our individual W2 forms because hey, the income tax statement wasn’t enough
4. A picture of the two of us together
5. Four fingerprint cards
6. Payment for seven hundred dollars because someone has to actually read and all this information even though we are not adopting through this agency they are getting paid to submit our fingerprint cards for a background check.
7. Personal details about our parents and siblings-not just names and addresses but marital status, number of children and what they do for a living.
8. Consent forms to allow them to use our story and/or personal pictures on their website (we said no thank you to that one).
I understand the importance of screening potential parents but some of the stuff they ask is borderline silly. Why do they need to know where my sister works? How does that play into my adoption qualifications? I don’t know. I am not a child psychologist or adoption specialist but some of this stuff seems so bizarre. Regardless, we filled in the form with all of the necessary information. I drove down to the 24-hour post office in the freezing rain to mail it out. I almost slipped walking to my car on the icy driveway. For a split second, I thought “OMG I can’t go out in this! Then I thought but I must do this for my child! The weather will be even worse tomorrow and that might mean it could be another two days before it gets mailed.” I got in the car and laughed. I don’t even know this kid yet. She might not even be BORN and she has me driving out into the freezing rain. The mere thought and hope of the possibility I have a child out there somewhere has turned me into a determined protective mama bear of sorts. I wonder if this happens with other adoptive moms.
The Chinese New Year starts on January 26, 2009. It will be the year of the Ox. According to a few websites I was reading, this year is a conservative year-one of traditions and values. It will be a slow but steady year. We will see stability, growth, and diligence will pay off. The year of the Ox is a year of harvest. We will reap what we have sown. I can only pray what we have sown is sufficient.
1. Two personal statements from each of us explaining why we want to be parents
2. A copy of our last income tax statement
3. Our individual W2 forms because hey, the income tax statement wasn’t enough
4. A picture of the two of us together
5. Four fingerprint cards
6. Payment for seven hundred dollars because someone has to actually read and all this information even though we are not adopting through this agency they are getting paid to submit our fingerprint cards for a background check.
7. Personal details about our parents and siblings-not just names and addresses but marital status, number of children and what they do for a living.
8. Consent forms to allow them to use our story and/or personal pictures on their website (we said no thank you to that one).
I understand the importance of screening potential parents but some of the stuff they ask is borderline silly. Why do they need to know where my sister works? How does that play into my adoption qualifications? I don’t know. I am not a child psychologist or adoption specialist but some of this stuff seems so bizarre. Regardless, we filled in the form with all of the necessary information. I drove down to the 24-hour post office in the freezing rain to mail it out. I almost slipped walking to my car on the icy driveway. For a split second, I thought “OMG I can’t go out in this! Then I thought but I must do this for my child! The weather will be even worse tomorrow and that might mean it could be another two days before it gets mailed.” I got in the car and laughed. I don’t even know this kid yet. She might not even be BORN and she has me driving out into the freezing rain. The mere thought and hope of the possibility I have a child out there somewhere has turned me into a determined protective mama bear of sorts. I wonder if this happens with other adoptive moms.
The Chinese New Year starts on January 26, 2009. It will be the year of the Ox. According to a few websites I was reading, this year is a conservative year-one of traditions and values. It will be a slow but steady year. We will see stability, growth, and diligence will pay off. The year of the Ox is a year of harvest. We will reap what we have sown. I can only pray what we have sown is sufficient.
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