We had our first hiccup in our adoption process. Part of the process is a home study. This entails working with a social worker, getting interviewed, fingerprinted and all the necessary background checks. We have to request this home study through a local agency because the adoption agency we are using is out of state. I called the local agency and left a message for a coordinator to call me back because my hubby and I were sending in an application (and check) for the home study and we wanted to touch base. The person never called back. The social worker called tonight to say she spoke to the person at the local agency to give her a head's up and the person said she had not yet heard from us (insert frustrated sigh here). The social worker gives me the woman's direct number -I used a toll free number on the local agency's website the first time I called because well, the social worker told me to (insert raised eyebrow here). I called the new number this evening got voicemail and left another message. If I do not receive a call back tomorrow by noon I will be calling again.
I know this is bothering me more than it really should. I am well organized and detailed oriented when it comes to certain things in my life. Sure I let my desk get messy and I don't clean out my fridge as often as I should. Important things however, like medical records, insurance documents, paperwork concerning my future child are paramount. If this is how I can expect things to run (translation not smoothly) I am going to have issues. I can only hope that I can contain my razor sharp tongue from saying anything too detrimental. I know that would be bad....very bad and I need to keep myself in check (this is why I married my husband: restraint and tech support...more on that in a later blog).
Another bothersome component of this process: the employment letter. The agency requires that we both get letters documenting our employment and that we are not in jeopardy of losing our jobs. Um, hello? Is anyone in tune with what is going on right now ? Why don't they just ask us to bring a psychic in and have them give a reading on videotape on what the future holds. Absolutely incredulous. I know you need to be able to provide for your new child but how can one predict a layoff or a change in technology or a company going belly up ? There has to be a better way. Make people take a skills assessment test like you do in school to determine what area you are best suited to work. What happens if a parent loses their job 2 years after an adoption? Will they come and take the child away from you until you get another job ? Sorry to go on about this but the bottom line is if I were to lose my job I would bust my ass 100 times harder than the next guy/gal to find a new one because that's just who I am. Too bad they don't ask for a sworn affidavit concerning one's work ethic.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Each journey begins with a single step
After years of infertility issues my husband and I have made the decision to adopt a child. I have started this blog to help document our journey and hopefully hear from others about their adoption experience.
In August of this year my husband and I went to a workshop for an adoption agency that specializes in adoptions from China. We learned of this agency through his brother and wife who adopted a little girl in 2006. We had researched domestic adoption and were concerned about the rights of birthparents. I personally discovered my own adoption records in 1999 after my mom passed away. The man who I thought was my father actually adopted me when I was 5 years old. I know the name of my birthfather and started the nightmare search of trying to find him but stopped myself. I was filled with a plethora of emotion. Maybe he didn’t want to be found. Maybe he was dead. I knew he had a wife and other children. Maybe he never told them about me. I could affect his life in a negative way by exposing the truth. My want and longing for a man I had never met was heartbreaking. I know it may sound selfish but I do not want my child to go through that anguish. As a parent I don’t want to worry about my child being taken away from me in any way.
Chinese adoptions are different. Most Chinese children placed for adoption are abandoned by their parents. They are left in public places and often have no record of a family. Abandonment is commonplace because of the one child law imposed by the Chinese government. Regardless of its frequency it is also illegal therefore children usually have no information on them when found. If the child is lucky enough to be taken in by the police, hospital or governmental agency and placed in an orphanage her picture is displayed were she was found and any family member has 3 months to claim her before the government severs all family rights.
With that in mind my husband and I applied to adopt from China and were accepted as eligible candidates. We have paid the first installment of the adoption fee and have begun compiling our dossier for the Chinese government. The dossier includes (but is not limited to) original copies of various documents such as our birth certificates, marriage license, employment verification letters, health verification letters signed by our doctors, home study completion and social worker interviews. All documentation needs to be notarized. It’s a huge undertaking. We spoke to a social worker last week who had been through this process personally. Too bad they don’t require the same stringent documentation for birth parents. But I digress. All of this will be worth the effort if it means China will honor us with the most precious gift of all: a child.
So our journey has officially begun. The paper trail has started and we are dreaming of the day we get our referral for a child. I wake up every morning wondering if our daughter is out there. I don’t know where she is or what she looks like. I can only hope and pray she is warm, fed and loved by someone until we find her. In the meantime I read all I can about China and her culture. I watch National Geographic and the History channels hoping to get a glimpse of her hometown wherever it may be. I read adoption stories of other American families who have travelled to China to adopt. They all tell of the ancient Chinese proverb about the red thread. “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.” I sit at my dining room table and stare out the window and wonder if our thread is reaching her. Does she know that two people a world away already love her and are waiting? Is there an angel watching over her for us until we arrive? We can only pray and hope.
In August of this year my husband and I went to a workshop for an adoption agency that specializes in adoptions from China. We learned of this agency through his brother and wife who adopted a little girl in 2006. We had researched domestic adoption and were concerned about the rights of birthparents. I personally discovered my own adoption records in 1999 after my mom passed away. The man who I thought was my father actually adopted me when I was 5 years old. I know the name of my birthfather and started the nightmare search of trying to find him but stopped myself. I was filled with a plethora of emotion. Maybe he didn’t want to be found. Maybe he was dead. I knew he had a wife and other children. Maybe he never told them about me. I could affect his life in a negative way by exposing the truth. My want and longing for a man I had never met was heartbreaking. I know it may sound selfish but I do not want my child to go through that anguish. As a parent I don’t want to worry about my child being taken away from me in any way.
Chinese adoptions are different. Most Chinese children placed for adoption are abandoned by their parents. They are left in public places and often have no record of a family. Abandonment is commonplace because of the one child law imposed by the Chinese government. Regardless of its frequency it is also illegal therefore children usually have no information on them when found. If the child is lucky enough to be taken in by the police, hospital or governmental agency and placed in an orphanage her picture is displayed were she was found and any family member has 3 months to claim her before the government severs all family rights.
With that in mind my husband and I applied to adopt from China and were accepted as eligible candidates. We have paid the first installment of the adoption fee and have begun compiling our dossier for the Chinese government. The dossier includes (but is not limited to) original copies of various documents such as our birth certificates, marriage license, employment verification letters, health verification letters signed by our doctors, home study completion and social worker interviews. All documentation needs to be notarized. It’s a huge undertaking. We spoke to a social worker last week who had been through this process personally. Too bad they don’t require the same stringent documentation for birth parents. But I digress. All of this will be worth the effort if it means China will honor us with the most precious gift of all: a child.
So our journey has officially begun. The paper trail has started and we are dreaming of the day we get our referral for a child. I wake up every morning wondering if our daughter is out there. I don’t know where she is or what she looks like. I can only hope and pray she is warm, fed and loved by someone until we find her. In the meantime I read all I can about China and her culture. I watch National Geographic and the History channels hoping to get a glimpse of her hometown wherever it may be. I read adoption stories of other American families who have travelled to China to adopt. They all tell of the ancient Chinese proverb about the red thread. “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.” I sit at my dining room table and stare out the window and wonder if our thread is reaching her. Does she know that two people a world away already love her and are waiting? Is there an angel watching over her for us until we arrive? We can only pray and hope.
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