Mother's Day

I find Mother's day to be kind of difficult. My mom passed away in 1999. Today is just another reminder that she died too young. Then I think about my own battle with infertility and my heart aches even more. I try to focus on the positives: all the amazing women in my life who are mothers and who play such an important role in my world. I think of my Aunt Cindy, who at my age was widowed with an 8 year old daughter. Her sheer will and determination to keep her child's life as close to normal as possible. Putting her own life on hold while being a single parent. Holding down a house and all the drama and expenses that come along with such a responsibility, again on her own. I think about my mother-in-law who sends me birthday cards entitled "To our daughter." How she refers to be as one of her kids and treats me with the same love, compassion, understanding and support as she does her own flesh and blood. I also think of an unknown woman in China who will give up her own daughter so that I might be a mother myself. These women humble me. I can only pray that I learn from them and the example they have shown me.

Happy Mother's Day

The Waiting Continues....

I think one of the most difficult aspects of being a waiting adoptive parent (besides the waiting) is what I call "The Inquisition." I know people mean well, they want to know if we've heard anything, how much longer do we have to wait, why is it taking so long? I feel like a broken record sometimes. "Yes, it does take a long time, No we don't have an exact date, Chinese adoptions have slowed down considerably due to various factors" etc. I guess hearing myself say the same answers over and over just re-enforce how difficult the wait really is. Not to mention that I seem to be seeing children EVERYWHERE. I kind of felt this way after each of our failed fertilization attempts. It's an empty feeling that gets worse as time passes. I wonder how other adoptive parents cope? Sometimes I wish we didn't tell anyone about our plans. I just got sick of hearing "when are you having a baby?" and "don't wait too long." Instead of just saying we could not have children it was easier to say we are adopting. I almost hate going to family get togethers or parties because I know it's inevitable that one of us will be cornered and asked what's going on with the adoption.

If anything, this whole experience has made me more sensitive to others. I sat next to a girl in class last week who was very pregnant. I did not try to rub her belly or ask all kinds of questions. We worked together brainstorming on a class project and got a lot accomplished. I wonder if I had asked her when she was due if that would have left her open to tell her whole life story, which I could not bear to hear. I was hoping she just wanted to be a student like me that evening an not suffer though an inquisition from a complete stranger.