State Department THEN Beijing ...

A small faux pas on my part. Our dossier was just couriered to the state department. I mentioned on my July 6th post that Homeland Security/Immigration was the last step before the final trip to Beijing. I guess I am so excited about being done with the paperwork I forgot this step. Thank goodness my husband is on the ball. The state department takes a few weeks and then we will be set for "Chinese Delivery."

Yesterday I received a phone message at home from my mother-in-law. She was babysitting our niece Alexis and apparently Alexis wanted to talk to us. As soon as I walked in the front door I called the "Florida Contingency" i.e. our family down south. After dealing with annoying adults all day it's kind of refreshing to speak to a four year old. Alexis and her parents and brothers are going to Orlando later this week to meet with the friends they met on their adoption adventure in China. When I asked my niece if she was going to see Mickey Mouse she said "No! I am visit with my friends from China." There is nothing like a child's perspective on the important things in life. She then went on to explain how she has her own apron at her Grandma's house and she is putting it on to help with dinner. I can't wait to have our little one here so she can visit my inlaws and help Grandma too. (smile)

Chinese Word of the Day

可以
kěyǐ
/ can / may / possible / able to /

Out of the mouths of babes....

Just a random thought/observation for the day:


I am not one to chase the celebrity drama that seems to unfold on a daily basis. Sure, I read Perez Hilton once in a while and even check in at people.com occasionally. Today I watched a bit of the Michael Jackson tribute online. At the end of the ceremony the Jackson family, including Michael's children, got up to say a few words. The most poignant part of this whole circus was when Michael's 11 year old daughter Paris some how had the courage to step up to the microphone to say a few words to the throngs of people at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

"Ever since I was born, Daddy was the best father you could ever imagine. I just wanted to say I love him so much."

Regardless of what anyone thinks they know about this man's personal life, his struggles, his poor judgement...whatever....he meant the world to his children. I can only hope and pray that they are cared for, loved and protected in what will most likely be a horrible tug of war for their father's empire.

Chinese Word of the Day

伴侣

bànlǚ

/ companion / mate / partner/

Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part...

The final approval from homeland security/immigration finally came last week. The letters deem my husband and I eligible to be international adoptive parents to one female child from China. This letter (one for each of us) grants us permission to bring a child to the United States and make her a citizen. My husband was home when the letters arrived. He called me in the office to tell me about this last step in the approval process. My eyes filled with tears of joy and my attempts to remain composed were futile. Thank goodness most folks were on vacation so I could calmly make my way to the ladies room to fix my make up without any fanfare or prying questions. It’s hard keeping quiet about one of the most important events in my life when I am at work. Unfortunately, with all the layoffs going on I do not need anyone knowing my personal business. I have seen many moms lose their jobs for taking “approved” maternity leave and asking for flexible work arrangements.

As I write this, our application is being reviewed at the Chinese consulate. Once that is complete our whole dossier will be mailed to the Center for Chinese Adoption Affairs (CCAA) in Beijing. They will review it, hopefully will find no errors and give us a log in date (LID). Our lives will be tied to this date as we wait. Last year the wait time for a referral was about 39 months because of the Olympics in Beijing. Chinese adoptions almost came to a standstill. Now that things are picking up again the wait time has been reduced to 31 months. Out social worker was confident that we’d be looking at around 24 months by the time they caught up. Technically there is a good chance that our daughter has not even been conceived yet. As abandoned children make their way through the system, the CCAA reviews each case and matches the children to prospective parents. The Chinese take great pride in this matching system and it seems to be a well kept secret on how they actually do it. They look at pictures of waiting parents and their profiles and somehow fit a child who matches not just their personalities but health backgrounds as well. It is completely fascinating. In my head I am hearing the old Calgon commercial: “ancient Chinese secret.”

While we are patiently waiting my husband and I are both finishing college degrees: his in economics and mine in education. I started cleaning out over stuffed storage closets as we beginning planning to move our home office downstairs. It’s amazing how much junk a couple can accumulate after 9 years of marriage. We both have pack rat tendencies, holding on to things that need to be thrown away or donated. What we should do is have a yard sale and put the money away for our trip to China. I am trying to remain positive about the waiting thinking we have plenty of time to prepare for our child. Most couples only get nine months!

It’s funny how the thought of becoming a parent has affected me. Now that the paperwork has been completed I have switched into an awareness mode. I pay even more attention to world news, the environment and educational issues. I find myself constantly thinking “How can I be a better person for my child?” It makes me think about the movie As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt. At one point in the movie, Carol (Helen Hunt) asks the self absorbed Melvin (Jack Nicholson) to give her a complement. Jack looks at her and says “You make me want to be a better person.” I can totally relate.

The Chinese word of the day

旋转
xuánzhuǎn
/ whirl /

I am the worst blogger EVER!

So, I am thinking I am the worst blogger in the world or maybe because there is no ground shaking adoption news there's not much to write about?

A small victory last Friday: Our 'official' home study was sent back to us with a stamp of approval. On Saturday morning I ran to the post office to send it express mail to homeland security in Chicago. After standing on a very LONG line I find out our debit card only allows for a $500 daily transaction (I needed a money order for $830). I am mad at myself for not realizing this before I even stepped foot in the post office knowing I could not use a credit card for the money order purchase. I take a deep breath and head over to Starbucks because well, it's Saturday morning and I can't think straight without coffee. I get my usual and get back in the car and BAM! I'll just go to the ATM and take out $500 in cash out of our joint account, $330 from my individual account and pay for the money order in cash. Duh. I cut myself some slack because I have had a rough past 2 weeks.

On Monday May 4 @4:45pm a social worker called my home and spoke to my husband. She told him she was looking for the next of kin for my father whom I have not seen since my mom passed away (almost 10 years). The woman would not give my hubby any info except her telephone number. My husband immediately calls me at work and gives me the info and I of course call her right back. She left for the day and I had to wait until Tuesday for her to call me back. I get to my office early on Tuesday morning (7:45am) to find she left me a message at 7:40am. I call her back and hear the news no child wants to hear. My father had a massive heart attack, he was on a respirator and it was just a matter of time. This poor woman wanted to know if I would like to see my father before he passes and if I would like to have any say in his final days of care. I said yes.

I called my sister and asked if she wanted to go with me. She said yes so I drove to her office, picked her up and we headed out to the veteran's hospital. There in the ICU was my dad, hooked up to all the bells and whistles I was all too familiar with. His nurse insisted he was unresponsive but I touched his arm and said "Daddy it's me..." he turned his head and opened his eyes to look right at me. His doctor informed us they worked on him for 45 minutes when his heart stopped so he was most certain there was permanent brain damage. His lungs were all but destroyed by years of smoking. His kidneys were failing. My sister sat motionless staring out the window. I excused myself to step into the waiting room to cry. After I got myself together, I knew I would be making the same decision as I did with my mom. Do not resuscitate. I walked back into the ICU spoke briefly with my sister and then to my dad's doctor.

I looked at my dad feeling a tidal wave of emotion. He was a bad parent, a lousy husband to my mom and just not nice in general. He preferred his liquor over everyone: family, friends you name it. When given the chance to live with me and my husband after my mom died he refused. He sold their house and disappeared. He broke my heart years ago but I still loved him. His heart stopped on May 6. I hope he finds the peace he never had here on earth.

This is why I was so adamant about getting the paperwork mailed on Saturday. Somewhere in China a little girl will be born and her parents will abandon her. I know what that feels like and I don't want her to suffer the way I did. My husband will be the best father in the world and she will never know the pain I have felt. Yes she will have pain from not knowing who her birth parents are. But she will never know and love a father who drifts in and out of her life like the wind. A father who lived a mere 30 miles from his own children and did not want anything to do with them. Our child will be loved and wanted as all children should be.

On Saturday, that money order and paperwork was express mailed because it had to be.

Home Study Officially Complete

Yesterday I had the final meeting with our social worker. We made some minor changes in the home study write up she had sent us via email. Once she makes the corrections she will notarize it and send it off to our agency. It will take them approximately 3 weeks to review it. Another milestone achieved. Once the agency gives us the OK we have to get fingerprinted again by homeland security and get them to sign off. When that is complete it gets sent to our agency and then if I am not mistaken- it goes to Beijing. Very cool. The social worker was also pretty positive that the timeline should pick up a bit. As the song goes "The waiting is the hardest part."

My husband and I had dinner with close friends of ours last night. One of them actually lived in China for 2 years back around 1994 and taught English. He gave us lots of information on how to learn Chinese. He does not speak fluently anymore but he remembers the basics. He suggested watching Chinese films with subtitles also. I woke up around 7 this morning and turned on the TV to find Jet Li's movie "Fearless" on. It's - you guessed it- in Chinese with English subtitles! Hmmm, coincidence maybe ? Not sure but it made me smile. He also said that the Chinese are horrified when they meet Chinese children who can not speak or understand the Chinese language. So many come back to China to visit after being adopted by Americans. People in China call them Banana people- yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Not a complement I am sure. It did make me think- how is our child going to struggle with her adoption and identity as a Chinese-American? It's something that has been heavy on my mind really since we saw the movie "Adopted." I just want to do the right thing for my daughter- I don't want her to be hurt in any way because of her ethnicity. I know, it's something I can't control but it hurts me already. I can't even imagine how she will feel when faced with racial issues.

Today I treated myself to a manicure/pedicure/massage. The owners of the place I went to are Chinese- at one point I sneezed several times in a row. One of the owners said to me "In China. when you sneeze like that we say that somebody is missing you." I thought that was kind of nice. There must be a lot of sayings and old wives tales in the Chinese culture. I wonder if I could find a book or something to research those? I also wondered about all the Chinese women working in the shop. Some are quite young and some are middle aged. What was their story? How did they wind up in New York? Did they miss China? Who back home was missing them? I had so many questions but did not dare ask for fear of being rude.

The Chinese word for the day :

座右铭
zuòyòumíng
/ motto /

I thought I would be clever and google the motto of the day and this is what I found:

"We're all dealt a different hand in life. All you can do is play the cards you're dealt."- B. Knoblach

All I could think after seeing that was ....I am playing. I've got a new hand and things are looking good right now. All I am hoping for is a full house. (hee-hee)

The last social worker visit has been scheduled !

I spoke to our social worker today. She has finished our paperwork and will be emailing us a copy by Monday. Our last visit with her (pre-adoption) is scheduled for next Friday. Our job will be to review the paperwork with a red pen and check off any errors before her visit. Once that is complete she sends the paperwork to our agency for review. I want to jump up and down for joy but it might be a wee bit premature for that. The agency goes through the paperwork with a fine tooth comb before it gets sent to China. Of course once in China the paperwork goes through several more scrutiny checks before being deemed acceptable.

I guess I am kind of in shock. Every step we make brings us closer to our child. The timing is quite appropriate. It's spring and we are on the eve of celebrating Passover and just a few days away from Easter. It's a time for remembering our hardships and celebrating our victories. Getting through our paperwork isn't as important as the slaves being freed from Egypt or the resurrection of Christ, but it feels pretty good.

Adopted: The Movie

I haven't had much to write about lately. Our paperwork is still being reviewed in Albany. Once our social worker gets it back we will schedule our last meeting and the dossier will be sent to the adoption agency and homeland security for approval. Once approved it will be sent to China.


Today my hubby and I went to a special screening of "Adopted:The Movie" a film by Barb Lee. It was amazingly powerful and thought provoking. Defintely not for the faint of heart, it explores the reality of adopting children of different races. Children searching for identities and personal heritage in addition to relating to their adopted families. They should make viewing this film madatory for anyone who is adopting a child.

http://www.adoptedthemovie.com/adopted-trailer/


Make sure you have tissues handy. A big part of the movie centers on a young Korean-American woman adopted when she was an infant 32 years ago. Her parents and brother are white. She was raised in the pacific northwest. All her parents had to do were file for adoption and pick her up at the airport. They did not research her culture or background. They just wanted a daughter. Her story details the internal and external struggles many adoptees and their families deal with. There is something always missing and it's not dealt with. It's truly a heartbreaking story but a story that must be told.