I am the worst blogger EVER!

So, I am thinking I am the worst blogger in the world or maybe because there is no ground shaking adoption news there's not much to write about?

A small victory last Friday: Our 'official' home study was sent back to us with a stamp of approval. On Saturday morning I ran to the post office to send it express mail to homeland security in Chicago. After standing on a very LONG line I find out our debit card only allows for a $500 daily transaction (I needed a money order for $830). I am mad at myself for not realizing this before I even stepped foot in the post office knowing I could not use a credit card for the money order purchase. I take a deep breath and head over to Starbucks because well, it's Saturday morning and I can't think straight without coffee. I get my usual and get back in the car and BAM! I'll just go to the ATM and take out $500 in cash out of our joint account, $330 from my individual account and pay for the money order in cash. Duh. I cut myself some slack because I have had a rough past 2 weeks.

On Monday May 4 @4:45pm a social worker called my home and spoke to my husband. She told him she was looking for the next of kin for my father whom I have not seen since my mom passed away (almost 10 years). The woman would not give my hubby any info except her telephone number. My husband immediately calls me at work and gives me the info and I of course call her right back. She left for the day and I had to wait until Tuesday for her to call me back. I get to my office early on Tuesday morning (7:45am) to find she left me a message at 7:40am. I call her back and hear the news no child wants to hear. My father had a massive heart attack, he was on a respirator and it was just a matter of time. This poor woman wanted to know if I would like to see my father before he passes and if I would like to have any say in his final days of care. I said yes.

I called my sister and asked if she wanted to go with me. She said yes so I drove to her office, picked her up and we headed out to the veteran's hospital. There in the ICU was my dad, hooked up to all the bells and whistles I was all too familiar with. His nurse insisted he was unresponsive but I touched his arm and said "Daddy it's me..." he turned his head and opened his eyes to look right at me. His doctor informed us they worked on him for 45 minutes when his heart stopped so he was most certain there was permanent brain damage. His lungs were all but destroyed by years of smoking. His kidneys were failing. My sister sat motionless staring out the window. I excused myself to step into the waiting room to cry. After I got myself together, I knew I would be making the same decision as I did with my mom. Do not resuscitate. I walked back into the ICU spoke briefly with my sister and then to my dad's doctor.

I looked at my dad feeling a tidal wave of emotion. He was a bad parent, a lousy husband to my mom and just not nice in general. He preferred his liquor over everyone: family, friends you name it. When given the chance to live with me and my husband after my mom died he refused. He sold their house and disappeared. He broke my heart years ago but I still loved him. His heart stopped on May 6. I hope he finds the peace he never had here on earth.

This is why I was so adamant about getting the paperwork mailed on Saturday. Somewhere in China a little girl will be born and her parents will abandon her. I know what that feels like and I don't want her to suffer the way I did. My husband will be the best father in the world and she will never know the pain I have felt. Yes she will have pain from not knowing who her birth parents are. But she will never know and love a father who drifts in and out of her life like the wind. A father who lived a mere 30 miles from his own children and did not want anything to do with them. Our child will be loved and wanted as all children should be.

On Saturday, that money order and paperwork was express mailed because it had to be.

Home Study Officially Complete

Yesterday I had the final meeting with our social worker. We made some minor changes in the home study write up she had sent us via email. Once she makes the corrections she will notarize it and send it off to our agency. It will take them approximately 3 weeks to review it. Another milestone achieved. Once the agency gives us the OK we have to get fingerprinted again by homeland security and get them to sign off. When that is complete it gets sent to our agency and then if I am not mistaken- it goes to Beijing. Very cool. The social worker was also pretty positive that the timeline should pick up a bit. As the song goes "The waiting is the hardest part."

My husband and I had dinner with close friends of ours last night. One of them actually lived in China for 2 years back around 1994 and taught English. He gave us lots of information on how to learn Chinese. He does not speak fluently anymore but he remembers the basics. He suggested watching Chinese films with subtitles also. I woke up around 7 this morning and turned on the TV to find Jet Li's movie "Fearless" on. It's - you guessed it- in Chinese with English subtitles! Hmmm, coincidence maybe ? Not sure but it made me smile. He also said that the Chinese are horrified when they meet Chinese children who can not speak or understand the Chinese language. So many come back to China to visit after being adopted by Americans. People in China call them Banana people- yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Not a complement I am sure. It did make me think- how is our child going to struggle with her adoption and identity as a Chinese-American? It's something that has been heavy on my mind really since we saw the movie "Adopted." I just want to do the right thing for my daughter- I don't want her to be hurt in any way because of her ethnicity. I know, it's something I can't control but it hurts me already. I can't even imagine how she will feel when faced with racial issues.

Today I treated myself to a manicure/pedicure/massage. The owners of the place I went to are Chinese- at one point I sneezed several times in a row. One of the owners said to me "In China. when you sneeze like that we say that somebody is missing you." I thought that was kind of nice. There must be a lot of sayings and old wives tales in the Chinese culture. I wonder if I could find a book or something to research those? I also wondered about all the Chinese women working in the shop. Some are quite young and some are middle aged. What was their story? How did they wind up in New York? Did they miss China? Who back home was missing them? I had so many questions but did not dare ask for fear of being rude.

The Chinese word for the day :

座右铭
zuòyòumíng
/ motto /

I thought I would be clever and google the motto of the day and this is what I found:

"We're all dealt a different hand in life. All you can do is play the cards you're dealt."- B. Knoblach

All I could think after seeing that was ....I am playing. I've got a new hand and things are looking good right now. All I am hoping for is a full house. (hee-hee)

The last social worker visit has been scheduled !

I spoke to our social worker today. She has finished our paperwork and will be emailing us a copy by Monday. Our last visit with her (pre-adoption) is scheduled for next Friday. Our job will be to review the paperwork with a red pen and check off any errors before her visit. Once that is complete she sends the paperwork to our agency for review. I want to jump up and down for joy but it might be a wee bit premature for that. The agency goes through the paperwork with a fine tooth comb before it gets sent to China. Of course once in China the paperwork goes through several more scrutiny checks before being deemed acceptable.

I guess I am kind of in shock. Every step we make brings us closer to our child. The timing is quite appropriate. It's spring and we are on the eve of celebrating Passover and just a few days away from Easter. It's a time for remembering our hardships and celebrating our victories. Getting through our paperwork isn't as important as the slaves being freed from Egypt or the resurrection of Christ, but it feels pretty good.

Adopted: The Movie

I haven't had much to write about lately. Our paperwork is still being reviewed in Albany. Once our social worker gets it back we will schedule our last meeting and the dossier will be sent to the adoption agency and homeland security for approval. Once approved it will be sent to China.


Today my hubby and I went to a special screening of "Adopted:The Movie" a film by Barb Lee. It was amazingly powerful and thought provoking. Defintely not for the faint of heart, it explores the reality of adopting children of different races. Children searching for identities and personal heritage in addition to relating to their adopted families. They should make viewing this film madatory for anyone who is adopting a child.

http://www.adoptedthemovie.com/adopted-trailer/


Make sure you have tissues handy. A big part of the movie centers on a young Korean-American woman adopted when she was an infant 32 years ago. Her parents and brother are white. She was raised in the pacific northwest. All her parents had to do were file for adoption and pick her up at the airport. They did not research her culture or background. They just wanted a daughter. Her story details the internal and external struggles many adoptees and their families deal with. There is something always missing and it's not dealt with. It's truly a heartbreaking story but a story that must be told.

Chinese Word of the Day

解决
jiějué
/ to settle (a dispute) / resolve / to resolve / to solve

I resolve to post more regularly to my blog ;)

Career Change

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be an English teacher. Over the years I achieved my B.A. in English and an MBA. With the recent turn in the economy and the serious possibility of becoming a parent, I figured it was now or never. I started my first class in education last week. It's entitled "Youth Literacy" and in the class we explore books about adolescence and books adolescences read. I can not express how much I love this class. My interest in this class is so intense the 2 hours I spend there feels like it flies by. I wish I could stay longer but the professor and other students leave and I would be alone in the dark. OK maybe I'd leave the light on. Seriously, I feel in my heart that this is my calling. To realize I will achieve this after so many years brings me great joy and a sense of triumph. I will never be rich but I will make a difference. How cool is that ?

I went to look up the Chinese word of the day and found this :

办学
bànxué
/ to run a school /

Coincidence ? I think not.....Life is good

The Waiting Game

I can't believe it's been so long since I have written. There's nothing too new to report. We are still waiting for confirmation and clearance from Albany on our background checks. It's only been about 4 weeks or so and the wait time is about 6 to 8 weeks so I guess I am being impatient. We will have one more meeting with our social worker. I am disappointed in one of my oldest and dearest friends. I asked her to write a letter on our behalf to give to our social worker in the huge information packet. Yes, it's one of those letters I wrote about earlier. Please put into writing that we are good people and worthy to be parents. I asked her because we have known each other for 12 years, she was a bridesmaid at my wedding, she works in the childcare field, she is well educated and not only do I value her opinion- I love her. We have been through a lot together. She is an amazing person. I spoke to her before Christmas- she had lots of questions for us. Almost like an interview of sorts. She said she had experience in writing such letters- she gave another friend a referral letter for a Chinese adoption.

I have sent her several emails and and left her a few voicemails- we usually play tag a bit before we actually speak most times. She knows how important this is to my husband and I. We just don't understand why she hasn't sent the letter. I gave her a deadline and explained our schedule with the social worker. Did she change her mind and not deem us worthy ? I am kind of hurt to be honest. I am trying to deal with this tactfully but I am a bit pissed. Guess this is just another speed bump on our road to China. Afterall, this is the Year of the Ox which means a year ahead of hard work, fortitude and patience.